What Orange County Means to Me

Orange County. My current home.

Ick, did I just say that??

Well, this is what it means to me:

The OC means endless suburbia and no culture.
It means gated communities everywhere. As in, NO ONE lives anywhere that is not behind some kind of gate or fence.
It means no black people anywhere.
It means expensive (or, at least, very large) vehicles all over the roads.
It means car washes where you have to tip the Mexican guys to dry your car.
It means I am ALWAYS being tailgated.
It means flooring the gas pedal to race to the next stoplight, 500 feet away.
It means cars swerving all over the freeway, changing lanes without paying any attention.
It is a place where financial conservativism reigns, where every community is a planned community, where every thing (and every other town) is owned by a corporation, and the "free market" means franchised, cookie-cutter, overpriced services and no variety or competition.
It is where everyone came to find wealth through the real estate market, and now that it has tanked the people can't face reality.
It is where commercials, newspaper ads, billboards, and water cooler conversation is obsessed with plastic surgery.
It is where most of the people are middle aged and feel entitled.
It is a place where no one parks on the street. Ever. There is a parking lot or a parking space for everything.
It is a place where 80 degrees is FUCKING HOT and 60 degrees is freezing COLD.
Two clouds in the sky = a cloudy day.
Rain is always in the forecast but never really happens.
There are no drive-thru's at the bank.
In OC, as in all of southern California, there are crap-ass dips everywhere in the road. This creates a small river as the sprinklers run at night and drain into the sewers. So you get wet even when it hasn't rained in weeks.
OC has speed bumps. EVERY WHERE. I have to go over 6 each time I leave my apartment complex, and 6 each time I return.
OC means having to wait 5 minutes for the "Walk" signal every time you want to walk across the street. And then you nearly get run over every time. Because people aren't used to pedestrians here.
Traffic. Congestion. Shoot ME!
OC means packing laundry into the car and driving to a laundromat is MUCH more convenient than using the "Laundry Center" in my complex.
OC also means a 5-minute walk to get to my mailbox.

Alas.