Settling In

I have been back for almost 2 months! It's hard to believe.

I'm still trying to get settled.

These days, I sometimes think about my life in California during 2010. I think about my apartment in Laguna Hills, I think about my jogging path that took me past the high school and to a park (and sometimes to a grassy canyon), I think about how much I worked and how busy I was, I think about my massage students and the walks we took at the beginning of evening classes and I wonder how they are doing now, I think about the yoga studio I worked at, and I think about that god-damned Massage Envy and wonder how I was able to do so much massage. I think about my trailer. I think about how I was able to stay healthy for the most part. I think about how depressed I was in May and June, that going a day without crying was an oddity.

I think about how I left with the intention that I would come back in a few months.

And I think about how I have absolutely no intention of going back anytime soon. And no desire, either.

I think about how I told my boss at my teaching job that I would keep in touch about when I would be back. I was careful to clean out all of my teaching supplies, yet kept them neatly organized in a box in my trailer, so that I could still use them when I returned. And I was on Craigslist today, looking at job postings (for shits and giggles), and I saw an unnamed ad for a Massage Therapy Director (my boss' position) at a school that looks hauntingly like my previous employer. And I realized she is probably gone as well.

Well. Duh. Life continues to spiral and change. Orange County certainly isn't standing still, waiting for ME to come back!!

These days I'm not sure of a whole lot. My dreams have turned into dust. I don't want nearly the same things now, in September of 2010, that I desperately wanted in March or April of 2010. What things did I want then? Well, I wanted a PhD, I wanted to live in California, I wanted to never see another Chicago winter again...well all of that has dissolved and I am happily in Chicago and grateful for every moment.

I'm not quite ready to dive back into reporting lame, superficial details of my life here yet. I do not want to forget how significant this year has been. I am still recovering and unraveling. I am cherishing simple things like chit-chatting with Leo at the end of a busy day, seeing a beautiful mixture of old and new buildings as I drive down the street, seeing different colors of people throughout my day, earning a decent wage while doing massage, snuggling with either one of our cats, using a dishwasher and our OWN washer/dryer, and feeling just fine when the weather is crappy. I feel like I belong here.

I didn't belong in Orange County. May I never forget that.

So life has in store for me that I am jumping back into a variety of things. I am going to be working a couple of shifts at Urban Oasis (read: Chicago's BEST massage spa), along with some fill-in work as usual, teaching HypnoBirthing classes (group and private), and seeing private massage and hypnotherapy clients. I am on the last phase of my master's thesis--I will be working on my data analysis and writing up the final results of my study very soon. I will start an Addictions Counseling certificate program. I am putting off my graduation in order to pursue a practicum next year. I am going to apply to PsyD programs. I am thinking about going to San Diego for about a month over winter break. I'm taking dance classes. I'm reconnecting and re-rooting.

I'll be just fine.