Back to real life?

My first week in Chicago was great. It felt so good to be home, the weather is warm, I got rest and accomplished many important tasks. And now that the initial thrill of arrival has passed, it is time to hunker down and face reality.

Reality means that I am happy to be home with my sweetheart and my things, I am *this close* to having my master's degree, I am unemployed (except for a few scattered gigs), and I do not know what my future holds. In many ways this time is ripe with possibilities. In other ways, it is nerve-wrackingly uncertain.

One of the things I like(d) best about my lifestyle of traveling to California is that I get to be true to myself. I realize now that the act of being true to myself is often interrupted by external forces that muck it up, so it doesn't really manifest as my true self. However, at least I'm doing the best I can.

Being true to myself, these days, means many important things. It means getting enough sleep (at least 8 hours), eating foods that make me feel good (i.e., that don't trigger my allergic/intolerant reactions), being around people who validate and reflect my ideas and beliefs, and doing work that is fulfilling. I've had trouble with this in some circles. In general, mainstream American life doesn't really align with MY true self, so life for me has become a type of rebellion.

Take my family, for example. Since my parents are no longer living, it has forced me into the role of an outsider. Besides this, my family and relatives are extremely traditional--something that I am not, nor have I ever been. The loss of my parents has been rather freeing, actually, since I am not longer obligated to the traditions that are so suffocating to me. I still have the presence of relatives, though, who carry on these traditional ways. And, since I and others in my generation are now young adults, this means two things and two things only....weddings and babies.

Weddings and babies.

That's all anyone ever seems to talk about. Or care about.

And they are two things that I have no interest in.

I just don't get it. I don't understand, for the life of me, why these things are so pervasive in a culture or a family! Especially because they are minor events, in my opinion, compared to all the rest of the spice that life has to offer! Okay, so you get married. The wedding is (or should be, in my opinion) one day, and you move on with your life. Have a baby, great. But there are SO many other great things about life! I guess I can understand getting married, if you really want to. But I personally don't see the point in all of this attention on weddings--bland events that are always the same, sexist and full of toxins (alcohol and gross food) and trite ceremonies that cost such a large amount of money and are such a waste of time.

And, I understand that some people are content with having a family. But I don't. And I definitely can't comprehend the actual desire to PLAN to have a baby. Or to want so badly to have one that not having one is seen as a tragedy.

So, when certain of my relatives only seem to talk about these topics, is it any surprise that I don't care to participate in their get-togethers anymore? It makes me feel like an outsider even more. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I hate sitting around and watching everyone eat. I hate pretending to perform niceties about material things and people that don't really matter that much to me...especially when the events in my life are so meaningless to those same people, and prior actions have proven that fact.

I just don't really want to participate in such events anymore. They go against what I think is right, real, and important in life.

This is yet another way of being true to myself.

On another note, it is great to share my true self and to be genuine with others who truly appreciate it and want to know the real me. So bring it on.